Illusion

i juz thought of this:

Illusion = inexplicable co-existence of cynicism and idealism in a person's mind

Cynicism:
Many pple tends to be cynical or try to be cynical, because it shows that you are more superior than the things (eg a system) that you despise and distrust. It reflects that you are more advanced than the things to see and know their shortcomings. People often criticizes, yet few are willing to take initiatives or give concrete ideas on how to improve and change...this is probably to show that they are cool and they dun bother abt such trivial and worldly stuff...

Cynicism is a negative energy, it has seldon uses except to extinguish the passions. Yet many people in the world choose to be cynical...i can't help but be a cynical person sometimes. I look at the world, and cant help but lament the imperfections of the world and the things around and in me. I would lash out in my mind at the society, the education system, the public policies...i would doubt the motions of every men (and esp. politicians and big-brother country like the America)...i would even doubt some friends (but there are some i wld never doubt like my malaysian brothers)...hmm...i dun like being cynical...it juz makes u feel smarter, while in the actual fact you are more dumb in this way....but sometimes i juz cant help it..

i am cynical...i am cynical of this world. i am cynical of the society. i am cynical of the way human relates and interacts...basically human relationship....human relationship is so insubstancial...and it is a pity that many view human relationship as an investment...but sometimes i am cynical and think that relationship is based on desire and sex. and sex, esp btw opposite genders. Sometimes i always relate everything to human nature and evolution...eg our society favours progress and competence and winner..this is so that our society can survive better, so the human race can survive...survival instinct...human nature...evolution..but i dun like this idea at all...i dun like to think that i am nothing but a "member" of the society...i am unique and want to be independent and free..i dun want to psychologically tied to a system from birth...i have my purpose in life...my purpose in life is not to serve the society's "greater" purpose..yes i m rebellious...i am myself

and i believe that nothing is eternal in this world. No achievements, no men would be remembered forever, maybe except for a few like einstein...so much hooha abt making an impact to the world, make ur life significant to others...but seriously, who cares abt others? Men are selfish in nature. Altruism is a virtue but not a necessity nor nature. everyone cares abt his own feeling, and there is nothing that matters more than it.

Idealism:
but i always believe in the greater kindness and greatness in human. i love to appreciate the beauty of the world. haha..that's perhaps why i m an INFP, the idealist. i m a cynist yet an idealist. i m unsatisfied and unhappy with the current way the society runs, but i am sometimes optimistic, or naive enough, to believe that it can change, and will change, for the better. i am a person of faith..i cherish human spirit and i hold hope for a better tomorrow always. But sometimes that tomorrow never comes, haha..