Pre-birthday rambling

Sooner or later, we all need to become responsible adults. No more dreams, fantasies, and safety nets, but harsh and cruel reality. birth.infancy.childhood.adolescence.adulthood.golden-age.death these are the "stages of life" in our society. They are subjective, imaginary, and not absolute. but they mean a lot. in our society, 18 is the imaginary line btw adolescence and adulthood. 18 can drive in m'sia. can drink alcohol. can go pub. And in the Western laws, 18 is the legal age for a child to be a separate, independent body from their parents. After 18, your parents have no rights and controls over you in legal sense. To me, 18 used to be something BIG. something distant in the horizon, that i knew i would reach. but i never knew i would reach so soon. I have a few elder cousons. When they are 18 and above, it is like, wow, they are so big (da4 in chinese) already. And a few days later i would be 18, but i dun feel that way. i still feel like an insecure child, clining onto his adolescence, unwilling to face the reality that he has to be on his own sooner or later. 17 is my favourite number. and i have a wonderful 17th year. in fact i have a blessful 17 years of age. i am still alive. Not an easy feat i must say. Look at the newspaper everyday. Accidents, rapes, sodomy, murder, cons, bankrupcy...and i am still alive. i owe this to my parents and my friends who have been with me one time or another in my journey. it has been great. and i certainly look forward to a greater next phase of my life. and i will certainly begin with the end in mind: death. I want to have no regret when i die. and i know, the power, the destiny, is very much in my own hand, though i am still clueless of my future path.

****************** reality is cruel. the society is full of sufferings. The society is so complicated, is because it is made of complicated members: human. every human being is a complicated mix of talents, hopes, desires, wants, limitations and fears.. The very nature of our society is determined by our instincts and desires. e.g. media by our inquisitiveness. politics by our desire for power. and many others by our sexual desires (recall Freud's theory). And trouble occurs when our desires come into conflict. Of course there is fundamental goodness in everyone, everyone loves and longs for loves. but still, the problems that exist in our society are mostly because of our desires and our fears. As Michael Jackson says, everyone of us has fears. We cannot eliminate them. But we can counter them by loving. Love, for one, will make the world a better place. i admire his vision for the world, one that is filled with loves and fantasies. But, unfortunately, that can hardly occur as our society, our humanity, has not progressed as fast as science and technology. We are living in a society that is increasingly overwhelmed by our yi ri qian li technology. our technology has advanced. we have not. That might be the main reason i do not want to further my studies in science for my tertiary education. i know that doing research in science and tech can improve our lifestyle. but seriously, i feel that i am contented with our current level of technology and living standard. perhaps is because i believe in Buddhism and contentment and peace of mind is what i look for. but seriously, are we not blessed enough in term of science and tech? we have comp, tv, mp3 player, aircon, and many others. i want to make a change to the world, to the society. and i know that science is not enough. how many scientists in your society can you recall? the ones who can really make an impact, are politicians, economists, megabusinessmen, writers, psychologists, maybe artists. yea i know i sound idealistic. And 20 years down the road, i might not end up playing a significant and influencial role in our society. i might be contented with a small career and a happy family. but for now, i hope i can influence others and touch their lives. famous chinese writer Yu2 Qiu1 Yu3 speaks of the need of a Renaissance in our age. and he views that only arts and humanities can improve our lives spiritually. and hence the world a better and happier place.
i know i sound self-righteous, and i myself have a lot to do to improve myself, to free myself from worldly longings and desires and concerns. a lot of time i realise i am unable to attain nothingness in my soul. and i still have many human desires and wants. I have yet to conquer myself. but i really do mean what i said about my ideals. i hope whoever reads my blog would share his/her view with me.

It would be pathetic for us to run so fast yet leave our souls and spirits behind. and worse still, lose them on the way.