theme song

ET asked me what's my theme song for my life..i didnt know the answer at that time.
after all, there are so many great every-lasting songs. but i know now which is my
theme song.

不值得 - 夢飛船

   ＊除了想你　除了愛你
   我什麼什麼都願意
   翻開日記　整理〔打開〕心情
   我真的真的想放棄
   你始終沒有愛過　你在敷衍我
   一次一次忽略我的感受
   我真的感到力不從心　無力繼續
 ＃這感情　不值得我猶豫
   不值得我考慮　不值得我愛過你
   這種回憶　不值得我提起
   不值得想起　不值得哭泣

 ＋這段感情　早就應該放棄
   早就不該讓我浪費時間找奇蹟
   這樣的你　不值得我恨你
   不值得我為你而壞了心情
   我決定不為你而毀了心
   放棄愛你

   重唱　＊,＃,＋

   我決定不為你而毀了心
   為你而放棄愛情　不為你而毀了心
   我決定不為你而毀了心
   放棄愛你



exact sentiments. except for a few parts.

No matter how brave, how courageous, how daring, how strong , how fearless,
how  carefree, how insensitive, how ill-tempered i can be most of the time;
I am still an infant when it comes to emotions.

The best option, and the only option, and the by-default option, is to let go.
but i simply cant...no matter how logical rational mature (ahem...) i can be,
there is still a part of me that is unwilling to let go.



the feeling is just like...when your country is sinking into the sea, and when
everyone is fleeing, you are still obdurate. you are reluctant to leave, despite
that it would be the most sensible thing to do. and you choose to stay in your
kampong, and sink with your chicken, pigs, dogs.
You simply love your country too much





sometimes i am skeptical to the notion of love. esp. young and puppy love. many
self-acclaimed mature pple snub it as immature, irrational...

but

why cant we be young and immature just for our adolescent yrs? why cant we just
follow our hearts and make mistakes and learn fron them? why must we follow the
footsteps and advices of elders or the matures? why must we be guided all the time.
i want to experience life myself, my own way. even if i make mistake, even if i
wld be illogical and immature, why must i be deprived of such life experiences?
why muz i listen to what all my frens say abt not getting into a relationship?
why cant i make a wrong move? why muz i do the right thing all the time?
why muz i carve out and plan properly my future when i cant even experience the
present?

no i am not lovesick. i juz dun understand .


and i admit that i am an impatient and insensitive bastard. impulsive. inconsistent.
a better term would be: over-dynamic. an unpretentious term would be: asshole-ly


at this moment, i simply have no doubt that i am an INFP.
sometimes the world is so complicated that i wish not to grow up.
all the politics, all the limitations, all the desires, all the fears.
the price of humanity. the tax we need to pay to exist in this world.

can i be exempted from tax then?





p.s. SAT the ultimate money-cheater, the utter cheap-thrill, is over. i will not
need to touch this dirty thing anymore. it disgusts me that education is so so
commercialised. think of how college board directors brainstorm to earn more money