kadenza

thanks sis for sending me this article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/15/arts/music/15waki.html?ex=1161576000&en=80c6ba87980c5749&ei=5070&emc=eta1

it reminds me of the wonderful memories of playing trombone for the past 9 years of my life. This remarkable ride culminates last year in Capriccio XXI when i had the honor of playing trombone concerto.

how would i forget..
the sense of immense focus and transcendental concentration..
when the limelight spots on me..
when the stage is mine and i am the world.

I still remember..
i played a totally different cadenza than the one i had been rehearsing..
it was a flow of music from the heart
a stroke of spontaneity from the angel of music who resides my soul
a transcendence of self and ego



from then on, my DotA name has been Kadenza.



but somehow, the passion that i hold for trombone seems to be receding, the angel of music appears to have retreated.
or rather, age and "maturity" has gotten the better of me.

i hesitate to face this truth but
no matter how good i am at trombone, no matter beautiful my tone is,
i can never go beyond who i am now: i have reached the asymtote.

my musicality limits me to go beyond. it suffocates my musical soul. it represses my creativity.

i was at the rehearsal room that day, sitting in front of the piano, fiddling with it, trying to invoke the angel of piano in me. but
i think i dream i fantasize,
reality, however, bites.

i have not had the privilege of learning piano and music like other kids around me have. how envious i am when i see others having their fingers dancing on the black and white piano, or strumming on the guitar strings. and now i know that i am too old to learn music. and even if i wanna learn, i dont have the money (it costs a freaking 735 USD per semester for piano lesson in wesleyan!).

if there is anything that i wish to exchange 10 years of my life with,
the ability to play music will be it.