a day after syf
yesterday morning when i woke up, my body felt an immense weight pulling me down, pinning mme to the bed, as if the gravitational field had suddenly become stronger. I know it. My body was unwilling face the reality, and it was a bit toiled. But deep in my mind and my heart that i know today is one day that i can never pon. I gotta be there for the band, gotta be there for the friends.
And i made it in time. When after junyang and elaine had made, we cheered for them amid the encouraging appluase from the school. During the time of the announcement, a few people started to break down already. Later after the morning assembly, we went back to the bandroom. We saw jy and elaine at the stair there. Elaine crying, jy eyes red. FInally they broke down. And it was such a pain to see them cry. This made me cry also. and no sooner the band all cried. It was a time that we are weak and sad, and we hugged each other to give and get support. Initially i was just tearing, but when i saw jy cried, and when shien hugged me, i can't suppress anymore. I let it all out. The feeling of unjust and unworth. a lot of us pon maths lect, until pang came and told us to o for lesson at 2nd period. it was nice of him. But you can really feel the band spirit there, and our pain for the loss.
then we (J1 and J2) went audi and sat at the back. I think the teacher was a bit shocked also. then some of us pon lessons afterwards, and juz loiter ard the classbench areas. Then some crazy us sang the full length of the syf pieces at cls bench. then after school after the whole band crowded the band room, and played each other's instrument. What a sight. It took super long to get them out to orchard. it was a mega outing. more than 50 pple i think.
i dun wish to cry in front of the class coz i know they wun understand wat i m so sad abt. Only band members would know. And not ordinary band members. Only HCSB band members would understand. This is because we love the band and we love our music so much. We play with such passion and conviction that we can totally relate to the music. The sorrow of the loss of Natalie, Barnes' daughter, and the rapture of the birth of the son. Alwyn's interpretation of "Thank you God, for my son..." we really believe in our music. the music is like our baby, that we all nurture and love for. and we thought we play well on the stage. and when we knew of our result, the feeling is parallel to having a stillbirth. It reflect the sorrow of the loss of Natalie. really, our baby that we all love for, is born dead. That is the feeling we get. Well, some people (non-band pple of cuz) said that it is juz a syf, take it as a learning point, and be strong and move on. How cliched. How can we juz get over the fact that we had a stillbirth? some people said that the process mattered more, result not impt. True, the process of pregnancy is truly memorable, but the feeling of stillbirth cannot be suppressed. And i am truly happy that the band is made of a lot of emotional people. we all cried our hearts out. it is such a pain for a group of 17/18 yr old teenager, young musicians, who see their music as their life, to experience such setback. It will become a scar. A scar that brings out the bitter and the sweet memories. and even mr.leng cried at home abt it. he also said he really didnt expect it.
but still, i cherish every memory that i have with this band. the musicianship that is forged among us. the love for music that is cultivated in us. they weigh heavier than the silver indeed.
Like what charmaine said, we have already given our 100%, the rest is factors that are beyond our control. True. for our music, our passion, our dedication, Hwa Chong Symphonic band may not be a gold band, but we are definitely an honour band :) i have no regret in choosing HCSB over RJ band. the band spirit is one of a kind, and cannot be matched by many other ccas and other bands.
proudly presenting to you, HCBS:
P.S. thank you, joseph, for what you juz said to me. you are really a wise and respected senior of mine.
And i made it in time. When after junyang and elaine had made, we cheered for them amid the encouraging appluase from the school. During the time of the announcement, a few people started to break down already. Later after the morning assembly, we went back to the bandroom. We saw jy and elaine at the stair there. Elaine crying, jy eyes red. FInally they broke down. And it was such a pain to see them cry. This made me cry also. and no sooner the band all cried. It was a time that we are weak and sad, and we hugged each other to give and get support. Initially i was just tearing, but when i saw jy cried, and when shien hugged me, i can't suppress anymore. I let it all out. The feeling of unjust and unworth. a lot of us pon maths lect, until pang came and told us to o for lesson at 2nd period. it was nice of him. But you can really feel the band spirit there, and our pain for the loss.
then we (J1 and J2) went audi and sat at the back. I think the teacher was a bit shocked also. then some of us pon lessons afterwards, and juz loiter ard the classbench areas. Then some crazy us sang the full length of the syf pieces at cls bench. then after school after the whole band crowded the band room, and played each other's instrument. What a sight. It took super long to get them out to orchard. it was a mega outing. more than 50 pple i think.
i dun wish to cry in front of the class coz i know they wun understand wat i m so sad abt. Only band members would know. And not ordinary band members. Only HCSB band members would understand. This is because we love the band and we love our music so much. We play with such passion and conviction that we can totally relate to the music. The sorrow of the loss of Natalie, Barnes' daughter, and the rapture of the birth of the son. Alwyn's interpretation of "Thank you God, for my son..." we really believe in our music. the music is like our baby, that we all nurture and love for. and we thought we play well on the stage. and when we knew of our result, the feeling is parallel to having a stillbirth. It reflect the sorrow of the loss of Natalie. really, our baby that we all love for, is born dead. That is the feeling we get. Well, some people (non-band pple of cuz) said that it is juz a syf, take it as a learning point, and be strong and move on. How cliched. How can we juz get over the fact that we had a stillbirth? some people said that the process mattered more, result not impt. True, the process of pregnancy is truly memorable, but the feeling of stillbirth cannot be suppressed. And i am truly happy that the band is made of a lot of emotional people. we all cried our hearts out. it is such a pain for a group of 17/18 yr old teenager, young musicians, who see their music as their life, to experience such setback. It will become a scar. A scar that brings out the bitter and the sweet memories. and even mr.leng cried at home abt it. he also said he really didnt expect it.
but still, i cherish every memory that i have with this band. the musicianship that is forged among us. the love for music that is cultivated in us. they weigh heavier than the silver indeed.
Like what charmaine said, we have already given our 100%, the rest is factors that are beyond our control. True. for our music, our passion, our dedication, Hwa Chong Symphonic band may not be a gold band, but we are definitely an honour band :) i have no regret in choosing HCSB over RJ band. the band spirit is one of a kind, and cannot be matched by many other ccas and other bands.
proudly presenting to you, HCBS:
P.S. thank you, joseph, for what you juz said to me. you are really a wise and respected senior of mine.
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